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    Right for each person, in whom all relationship problems will magically vanish. Thanks for your response to NGU about the differences between sex drives as men and women age.

    What is particularly frustrating to me as a straight guy is when women whose libidos have subsided suggest that a lower sex drive somehow implies a more evolved state, that they are now focused on more important issues: social justice, discrimination, pedicures for their cats.

    To them, middle-aged men who are still horny are simply hedonistic and immature. Right on, Mr. I am a fully recovered former "sensitive man" who tried to empathize with women and their inane complaints about male sex drives, how we are such animals who think of nothing else and how we need to change.

    Got me nowhere. Ironically, it only made things worse—they then saw me as less of a man. I have since learned to be a Man, respect myself, take charge, and not take this kind of crap from women.

    Guys, stop being her girlfriend and lay down the law. You are the Man and make no apologies for it. You have testosterone, and biologically you are wired to be continuously horny and banging away at as many women as possible as often as possible to spread your genes.

    With societal strictures, you are expected to contain this within a relationship. That in itself is a huge sacrifice women should be grateful you have made.

    If her idea of showing gratitude is laughing at your libido, show her ass the door. If he wants more sex, he needs to get a divorce. I am straight, married, a woman, a mother, and my husband has the libido of a gnat.

    We have sex about 12 times per year. I am 30, he is It is the only way out of this. I have spoken with him numerous times about how unsatisfied I am and how ridiculous this all is.

    After 10 years in this relationship four of them married , I get it. It is never going to change, he is never going to change, we are never going to change.

    If I want more sex, I need to divorce him and move on. He is a good man, a great husband, and an excellent father.

    This is all so sad, but you know, life is shitty sometimes. I just keep working out, I am looking better every day, and as soon as I feel ready, I will jet.

    I fuck my boyfriend about once a day on average sometimes more. And watching him jerk off is one of my favourite things in the world!

    The real issue is that we live in a culture that punishes women for being sexual and has been doing so for centuries.

    Doritos, cheese, and salsa are fine for a stoner snack, but as a ritual? We fall into ruts that are hard to break out of, but we do it. And surprise—when we start to have sex on a regular basis again, we realize how unhappy we were without it.

    At the end of the day, though, she still suggests that straight women take no responsibility over their own sexuality, and it is just sad that reviewer Loh "credits" lesbians with such a defeating proposal.

    I am a straight vanilla woman who wants to have sex all the time. If women got boners, I would be embarrassed constantly. But I have a problem: I want more sex than the man I am marrying.

    We have great sex on the weekends: intimate, sweet, slightly dirty vanilla sex. But during the week, he would much rather curl up with a terrible reality—TV show than have sex with me.

    I used to feel the same way—that women have naturally low libidos and men just have to be creative with their wives.

    Women really only have low libidos for their husbands—but they are insatiable and uninhibited with lovers on the side. I was in a four-year relationship with a low-libido woman; I am a high-libido i.

    While she tried to be accommodating, and I tried to be monogamous, we both eventually failed. Now I am with a high-libido woman. She wants it at least twice a day, multiple orgasms for her every time.

    Hungarian ancestry—do you think that has anything to do with it? Or am I a sex racist? Either way, after reading your column today, I am feeling like the luckiest man on earth.

    In my response to Not Giving Up, I called these "if only" letters:. If only he would talk with her about her day, she would want to have sex. You might think that, having read that, no one would have the nerve to send in "if only" letters addressed to NGU.

    Some women, like Sewell, have low libidos. But is it his fault? Some women think so—some women think it must be.

    Here are a few of their letters, with my translation in italics. That said, I can recall a time in my life when I was not so constantly eager for sex: when I was with a guy.

    If straight men want sex so much more than straight women do, why are women the ones devoting all of our time, money, and effort to being sexually desirable?

    We wear makeup, colour our hair, wax in places too sensitive to mention, spend 10 times what straight men do on our wardrobes, wear ridiculous lingerie, ride the elliptical machines, get the fat sucked out and the Botox and silicone pumped in.

    Maybe, just maybe, if men put half the effort into attracting and pleasing women that women put into attracting and pleasing men, men like NGU would have less to whine about and less time to spend whining: after shopping, the gym, and the salon, who has the energy?

    NGU, ever notice that "mutually insatiable" gay men are a hell of a lot better dressed and better groomed than you?

    I read your letter to Not Giving Up about his wife and her low libido and was shocked and annoyed by your response, and that of the author discussed Sewell.

    I call bullshit! I hate this entire division of the sexes thing boys are like this , and girls are like this.

    I, for one, have never had a partner who could quite keep up with me. For tips on how to turn your girlfriend on physically, read on!

    Did this summary help you? Yes No. Please help us continue to provide you with our trusted how-to guides and videos for free by whitelisting wikiHow on your ad blocker.

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    Learn why people trust wikiHow. Explore this Article parts. Tips and Warnings. Related Articles. Article Summary. Author Info Last Updated: September 22, Part 1 of Be dependable.

    If you want to make your girlfriend want to have sex with you, then you should show her what an amazingly dependable guy you are.

    If your girl is going to trust you enough to have sex with you, whether it's her first time or if she's had sex before, then she has to feel like she can depend on you.

    One of her fears may be that as soon as you have sex, she won't be able to rely on you anymore because you would have gotten what you wanted.

    So, prove her wrong by being an upstanding and dependable guy. Show up when you say you're going to show up. If you routinely pick her up half an hour late for your dates, she'll think that you don't think she's so special, and she'll be less likely to have sex with you.

    Don't be a flake. If you say you're going to take her to the beach over the weekend, do it. If you don't stick to your word, she won't be able to trust you.

    Be her rock. Let her talk to you about her problems and insecurities while knowing that you can make her feel better. Don't go hours or even a day or two without returning her phone calls or texts.

    This will make her feel like she can't depend on you. Give it time. Some guys can be ready to have sex with a girl in the time it takes to down a beer, while some girls can take months, or even longer, to decide that they're ready to make love.

    And some girls -- sorry, gentlemen -- are really adamant about holding out for the one, and don't even want to have sex before marriage.

    So, don't rush into it -- wait for the girl to trust you first. If your girl is barely comfortable with kissing, then you shouldn't bring up the "s-word" for a while.

    However, if you and your girlfriend are already comfortable hooking up in bed all the time after just a few weeks, then you can start thinking about taking it to the next level.

    If you want to make your girlfriend want to have sex with you, the worst thing you can do is bring it up or try to force it when it's way too early.

    This will turn your girlfriend off and will make her much less likely to sleep with you. Do not act like you are obsessed with sex.

    Let's face it -- if you're a male of a certain age who is desperate for his girlfriend to have sex with him, then you probably are obsessed with sex.

    But that doesn't mean you have to make jokes, innuendos, or even blatant references to sex all the time. The last thing you want your girlfriend to think is that you're a horndog who is so obsessed with sex that you don't care which lady comes into your bed.

    You should make her feel special, like you want only her. You don't have to hide the fact that you're a man with needs, but you should avoid being vulgar, talking about sex all the time, or talking about other people who have sex all the time.

    Don't make derogatory comments about other women. This will make your girlfriend feel like a piece of meat.

    Remember that you're not with your bros, but with your special lady. Be loyal. If you want to make your girlfriend trust you, then you have to be loyal to her.

    She'll never have sex with you if she thinks you're talking to or checking out other women, or even hanging out with other women. Though you don't have to be rude to or ignore other women, you should have a laser-sharp focus on your girlfriend so she knows that you will always be there for her, especially after you start having sex.

    Spend lots of time with her. Make sure that you plan at least one or two dates every week and that you check in with her at least once a day if you're not together.

    There's a difference between being loyal and being possessive and smothering your girlfriend with affection. You should not only show your girl that you're loyal by being loyal to her, but by showing that you're a loyal sibling, friend, and teammate.

    Show loyalty in many aspects of your life and your girl will be impressed. Part 2 of Treat her like a lady. If you want your girlfriend to have sex with you, then you should treat her like a lady, not just like someone you want to hook up with.

    To do this, you have to be a gentleman and be courteous, kind, understanding, and generally admirable. Open doors for her, give her your coat when she's cold, pull out chairs for her, and help her carry her heavy bags.

    Make sure to compliment her to let her know how great she looks or how special she is. It's important to be a gentleman, but don't do anything that feels too unnatural to you, or she'll be able to tell that you're not being yourself.

    Clean your home. This may sound silly, but if you want your girlfriend to really feel special, then you shouldn't invite her to hang out at your place if it looks like the set for World War Z.

    You need to make sure to remove any dirty laundry off your floor, clean your counters, and make your bed look and smell as clean and inviting as possible.

    Not only will this make your lady feel special, but it'll make her feel more inclined to have sex with you. She won't want to get it on if your bed is covered in candy wrappers and dirty underwear.

    If you drive her around a lot, you should also keep a clean car. Give your lady the respect she deserves by making sure she has a clean seat.

    Show an interest in all of her; not just her body. Your girl's biggest fear may be that you don't care at all about her mind because you're too busy obsessing over her body.

    So, you have to prove her wrong. Show her that you are about who she is as a person, about her hopes and dreams, and about what makes her tick. Ask her about her friendships, her childhood, and her favorite experiences.

    Show her that you value her opinion. Ask her what she thinks about the current political situation in your state, or about the look of your new outfit.

    Make eye contact when you talk to her. Show her that everything she says is important to you. Take her out on romantic dates.

    If you want to build the sexual tension, you have to build the romance first. Make her feel special by taking her out, dressing up, and picking a romantic spot for dinner, a drink, or even just for stargazing.

    You don't have to do anything corny or out of your element to make her feel special. Though you and your lady can have fun at baseball games, birthday parties, or at a loud, sweaty concert, these events will be less conducive to lovemaking.

    Doing something romantic once in a while will show your lady that she really matters to you. Be attentive to her needs. If you're not attentive to your lady's everyday needs, then how will you be attentive in the bedroom?

    Your girl needs to feel like you know when she's sad, nervous, anxious, or even just cold or hungry. Pay attention to her eyes, her body language, and her words to know if there's something bothering her.

    If you act completely oblivious when she's obviously upset about something, then she'll think you're not really paying attention to her.

    If something's wrong, don't be afraid to ask her what's up. This will only show that you care. Make sure she's ready to have sex.

    If you really want to treat your lady well, then you have to be able to have an idea about whether or not she's ready for sex.

    If you're her first boyfriend, if she's sexually inexperienced, or if she's deeply religious or has other moral convictions that make her steadfast about not having sex, then you should back off and wait for her to trust you enough to even consider having sex with you.

    But here are some ways to know if she does want to have sex with you: If things have been getting hot and heavy in the hook up department, then she may be ready to move forward.

    If she's been talking about sex, giving you sexual compliments, and touching you a lot more, then she may be ready for sex. If she's been hinting that she wants to sleep over, spends a lot of time in or near your bed, or invites you over late at night, then she may be ready for more intimacy.

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